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The Filipino Empire

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 The Great Galactic Empire and Kingdom of the Philippines
Ang Dakilang Ubud-na-Malaking Emperyo at Kahariang ng Pilipinas
Imperial Standard: Imperial Standard3 Galactic Imperial Flag: Philippine Empire
The Empire at its Height (ca. 2100-2170):
LocationAsia
Imperial Seal: PhilippineEmpire Seal
National Anthems : "Bayan Ko" (the anthem of the People Power Revolution 1, 2 and 3), "Lupang Hinirang" (sung in the Philippines only) & "The Imperial Death March (aka Bayan Ko)" (Sung in Japan only).
Motto : "Ito'y para sa Diyos!" ("This one's for God!")

(Latin): PRO DEO EST HOC!

Capital Smokey Mountain Manila
Largest Cities Changi Prison Tokyo , Mexico DF, Manila and Los Angeles
Government Imperial Monarchy / Fascist Republic / Porkism
FKing/Queen Janet Lim-Napoles (Pork Barrel Queen)
Independence 24th May, 2033 AD
Currency
Money pacquiao

Philippine Imperial Pesos (Filipino/Tagalog: Piso ng Emperyo ng Pilipinas)

(1 PHP = 100 centavos = US$10^{27})
Religions Roman Catholicism, Ang Dating Daan, Iglesia ni Cristo (NOT!), El Shaddai, Evangelican Christianity, Pacquiaoism, Wowowee-ism, Tukul Arawanaism, Shitoism, Islam
Languages Filipino (Tagalog), English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Portugese, Indonesian, Malaysian, Thai, Hawaiian, Hindi, Arabic (NOT!), Latin, Esperanto, Elvish and 10^{12} other languages
City with the Lowest IQ Tokyo
University with the highest IQ Sillyman University
Main Industries Manufacturing, Japanese Slavery, (cars, steel, furniture, food processing, shipbuilding, conusmer products, appliances, etc.), Agriculture (rice, wheat, corn, animals), Mining (oil, coal, gas, diamonds, aluminium, iron, lead, gold, silver) and Financing (contains the world's largest stock exchange: The Filipino Empire Stock Exchange- formerly PSE)
Most Retarded Colony Singapore - the execution capital of the world (thanks to our export-quality Singaporean executioners in Southeast Asia)
Famous Landmarks Some huge retarded mall (Mall of Asia), The Landmark, Tokyo Tower, Hawaii, Golden Gate Bridge, Burj Dubai, Disneyland, Las Vegas, San Diego and so on... (there are about Counter landmarks in the Filipino Empire)
Ethnic Groups Filipinos and the sub-ethinc groups (Cebuano, Ilocano, etc.), Japanese, Ainu, Africans, Chinese and their sub-ethnic groups (Han and Cantonese), Malay, Aryan, Indians and the sub-ethnic groups, Europeans, Turks and Arabs
Population 1,189,265,000 (2187 estimate- 2180 census: 1,187,372,840) 429,293,300 (2040 census)
Time Zone UTC +1 to UTC -8 [1]

“The Filipino Empire? What the hell is that?”

~ Japanese resident on The Filipino Empire

“Don't call our place a craphole you cheap cunt!”

~ Foul-mouthed Congressman on rude comments about the Philippines

“The Filipino Empire- Heaven. America- Hell”

~ Jesus on The Filipino Empire

“Made in the Philippines”

~ Japanese Cars

“Made in the Philippines”

~ Everything

“Made in Japan”

~ Black People

The (Second) Philippine Empire, also known as The Greater Filipino Empire (Tagalog: Ang Masdakilang Emperyo ng Pilipinas) consists of the entire Asian Continent, ruling from the deserts of the UAE to the islands of Indonesia. In Japan, it is known to the Japanese slaves as 大呂宋帝国, or Dai Rūzon Teikoku (English: The Great Luzon Empire) or just 呂宋 (Rūzon). The Chinese characters are 呂宋國, or Lǚsòng Guó. By the way, we got reasons why you must visit the Filipino Empire. Apparantly, we pillaged a shop in Spain and start to sell a bar called "Spaniards", which is produced by Krap Foods. TAKE THAT, BASTARDS! Come on, we tried to go faecal! I win! I win! Whoopass! Whoopass!

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The History Edit

Bouncywikilogo
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Philippine Empire, or simply go here.

The Filipino Empire has a long history, starting from the ancient times (around 10,000 BC)

Urmom

Yes, YOUR MUM ruled the Philippines!

Merkavaowned

A so-called "People Power 10" protester being OWNED by Joe's Tank #20385 during the People Power 10 protest. LOL!

Early History Edit

Little is known of the Empire's early history but it was recorded that the Song Dynasty tried to invade the islands many times between the period of 1178 to 1567 but they were all repelled. It was in 1567 when the last Han invasion force surrendered to Datu Puting Burnik

Founding of a RepublicEdit

Republica de Tagalog was carved out from the Spanish East Indies when Supremo Andres Bonifacio led the Philippine Revolution against the Spaniards but his comrade, Aguinaldo killed him because Aguinaldo was thinking that if he kills Bonifacio, he will be the King of Las Islas Filipinas and Guam. The Empire was officialy established on June 12, 1898 on the Malacanang Palace with the coronation of Emperor Emilio Aguinaldo y Famy as its first Emperor. Emperor Aguinaldo the Great later created the Filipino Armed Forces which consisted of the Filipino Army, the Filipino Navy and the Filipino Marine Corps.

In 1899, the Emperor created the Special Military Division which was tasked to help improve the Armed Forces. By 1905, the Empire owned the largest well-trained armed forces in the world.

World War IEdit

In 1899, Emperor Aguinaldo the Great received a letter from the American President that they want to invade philippines and Aguinaldo was so shocked because it is an insult to him, as the Emperor of the Philippine Republic. He eventually joined the Central Powers and he invaded California. When the war erupted in Europe, the Emperor send troops and because of that which ended the war in just five days.

In 1901, Emperor Aguinaldo was abducted by the American Forces and they exiled Aguinaldo into Hong Kong.

General Elwell Otis was otistic that time so he started an uprising against the United States. He started his own Empire. The Otistic Empire.

In 1941, the Empire of Japan invaded the Philippine Islands and they started from Davao up to Ilocos and the Philippines was invaded quickly just in 1 day.

In 1942, the Japanese people showed to the Filipinos that they are the accomplice of Japan.

In 1943, The Great East Asia Co Prosperity Sphere began and they send Uranium bomb in the United States.

In 1944, the man named Sentiniel Canlas started to form an army named "the sentiniels army"

In 1948, the Sentiniels Army bombarded the Philippine Islands and they began to invade Formosa, Japan, Manchuria, Korea, Hong Kong, Macau, and the whole Indochina Peninsula

In 1950, Sentiniel Canlas started his own Filipino Empire. He is the First Emperor of the Second Filipino Empire.

In 1960, Emperor Senti invaded Washington State, Oregon, Idaho, Nevada.

In 1963, He ordered Oswald to kill JFK.

In 1980, He ordered Mark David Chapman to kill John Lennon because it is against in his own beliefs.

In 1990, he is considered as "the Greatest dictator of All Time"

In 2000, he ordered the Elric brothers to find the Philosopher's stone. They found it and they gave it to Emperor Senti. Emperor Senti becomes a baby. His son, Prince Andrew Donato become the Emperor

In 2001, Emperor Donato declared that all of the people shall be silenced and do not speak all the times. Just be Anti-Social.

Pork Barrel ScandalEdit

In 2013, there is a pork barrel scandal with Tanda, Sexy, and Action Star RAMON BONG REVILLA and they had sex with Janet Lim-Napoles and then they cried

Janet Lim-Napoles, JP Enrile (Tanda), Jinggoy Unggoy Estrada (Sexy), Bong Revilla (Pogi, Actionstar), Kim Henares was executed under the administration of Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III

The people of the filipins was very thankful to PNoy and they want him to be the president for 1 more term but he eventually marry Jinri Park and they go to North Korea and PNoy replaced Kim Jong Un.

2016 Erection and False Proclamation Edit

In 2016 after the impeachment of Jejomar JOJO Binay(aran), he ran for the President even though he is not allowed to run so he killed the President Elect - Miriam Defender Santiastop. He eventually become the president after his Makati people surrounded the Malacanan Palace and he sits in to the Presidential Throne and there is a massive killing in the Capital.

Binay Term (The Fall of the Philippine Economy) Edit

In Binay term, there is a proclamation 100002 (Binay Dynasty Law) in which it dictates that the Philippines will become "The Filipino Empire" under Binay Rule.

Government Edit

Everyone's a retard there! Everyone's a rebel! Even the presidents were glad to kiss their sorry asses goodbye. The Last Emperor was a total retard and fucked the whole Empire up by losing everything in Wowoweee! Not to mention that he was a rebel. Ano? Totoo ba 'yan? Aminin!

Administrative Regions of the Filipino Empire Edit

The Filipino Empire is divided into 42 provinces, 913 regions, 1081 states, 23,050 colonies and 1,250,000 barangays (or districts). In the Empire alone there are 10,000 Japanese ghettos (one for every 12,700 ethnic Japanese) and 10,000 Little Africas (one for every 100,000 Africans). We found out that it compromised an empire the same land mass as Russia to proportion:

LocationAsia

Provinces of the Empire:
1) Philippines......................................................22) Central Africa del Norte
2) Mexico.....................................................23) *EXPLODED!* (Used to be United Arab Emirates)
3) Yukon......................................................24) Iraqistan
4) Alaska....................................................25) Parsistan
5) Mariyachi..................................................26) Panggitstan
6) Tekila.....................................................27) Hindotstan
7) Korona.....................................................28) Bastustan
8) Yeyo.......................................................29) Espanya del Norte
9) Meriwana...................................................30) San Miguel Colony
10) Chikano...................................................31) Espanya del Sur
11) Afrika del Norte..........................................32) Yosistan
12) Colony of California & Hawaii............... 33) Phoenican Philippines
13) Niggers.....................................................34) North Bakla
14) Niggers.............................................35) South Bakla
15) Madagaskar................................................36) Negros del Norte
16) Unggoy....................................................37) Negros del Sur
17) Maitim....................................................38) Mabaho
18) Sumalya del Sur...........................................39) West Morostan
19) Sumalya del Norte.........................................40) East Morostan
20) Bumbay Colony of Anghit...................................41) West Inchek
21) Central Africa del Sur..........................................42) East Inchek

Language and People Edit

Emailjokes c 38886 BLP45167

Japanese television, 2165

Manila shanty

The tall skyscrapers of Tokyo, the capital of the colony of Japan

Oddly enough, the Philippines is full of Filipinos, though black people can be found in Japan and colonies in Africa, Chinese and Malays in South-East Asia, and Indians in India and Filipino America (Las Vegas, Alaska and California). Only good-looking people are allowed in the Philippines, so as to prevent ugliness, so NO JAPANESE ALLOWED!!! (Unless she's hot...)

Economy Edit

Heyihosdflujkahasdjklhfasdjklfhjskad!

The Economy of the Philippine empire relied on slave trade of japanese people. LOL!

Manufacturing Edit

Most of the manufacturing comes from Japan, Bangladesh and Thailand, where all of the cars and the techno crap you get comes from. Our Imperial Economy is Number One above ALL THE REST! Yes, and we are even Bat Fuck Insane!

Youdaman

But the bad news is, you actually ruled the Philippines!

MRT3 Shaw2

Our main form of transportation of the heart of the Empire. We are full of tall skyscrapers and fast trains! And the heart of the Empire also home to the most bat fuck insane person in the world.[2]

Tourism Edit

We have lots of places to see. There you have beaches and islands. Further north we have crap and lots of modern buildings. Further west we have more Western-style buildings. Also, for more info on sightseeing the heart of the Filipino Empire, see the Asia section.

Transportation Edit

Hey, we have more crap than anybody else! Let's celebrate!

Military Edit

As stated, at its height, the Filipino Empire's military was the most bat fuck insane in history. All nuclear weapons in the world were given as tribute to the Empire, since that was the only accepted payment a country could use to buy the world's oil, all of which was also owned by the Filipino Empire. With such a monopoly, the military was built up to the point where it was second to none. All nuclear weapons were disarmed and used as power for the Empire's growing electricity demand. The Empire's colonies also have their own military forces, but they suck. They fought in World War IV to VII, as Allies of the US.

Requirements Edit

Only citizens of the Filipino Empire, Filipino-Americans and Israeli mercenaries are allowed in the Imperial armed forces, since everyone else are idiots and/or terrorists. The military was simplified in 2050 by Emperor Napoleon to consist of one branch: The Imperial Philippine Defense Force, which consists of the Imperial Philippine Navy, Imperial Philippine Marines (amphibious invasion ground forces) and the Imperial Philippine Air Force. Being an island nation, emphasis was placed on maintaining maritime supremacy on the high seas in every ocean. Thus, in return for all the oil in the Philippine province of Iraq, the US sold some aircraft carriers, planes, tanks and destroyers to the Empire in 2047 (one is even renamed as the HMIPS Enterprise!). Now possessing the most fearsome bat fucking insane fleet in history, the redundant Imperial Philippine Army was integrated into the reorganized Imperial Philippine Marine Force: the best soldiers became Marines for invading other countries, while the rest became the Imperial National Guard for guarding the Philippines itself from invasion and to serve as the Imperial Police Force (formerly known as the PNP).

Enemies Edit

The empire fought against rebels during it's Golden Age. Led by Nah Olos and Dr. Phil, they invaded the capital. But Empress Imelda 2.5 came to the rescue by blowing up the Millennium Eagle where the rebel leaders hid with her all-powerful mega eye rays!

  • Canadians
  • President Dick Cheney
  • White people
  • Negroes
  • Terrorists
  • Japanese men. The Empire gets revenge by flooding Japan with Africans. All Japanese women are deported to the Philippines to become our maids beacuse they can clean so well.
  • Indian call-center outsourcing competition (those idiots can't speak English! ...except with a stupid fake British accent)
  • People from Mexico (not all Mexicans tho) and Latin America (they chose not to use their NATIVE language and is slowly losing their native culture cos time is eroding it)

References Edit

  1. Or is it UTC +20?
  2. Please note that this photo was taken YEARS before the Filipino Empire actually started, when their trains are FUCKING slow and SHIT.

External LinksEdit

Official

See Also Edit

Asia- now ruled by the Philippines! Edit

<a href="./File:JFluent_Julia's_Tagalog_Comeback">
JFluent Julia's Tagalog Comeback02:30

JFluent Julia's Tagalog Comeback

</a>

A typical Filipino (from Korea). Tagalog is the #1 language by 2100.

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