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The Filipino Empire

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 The Great Galactic Empire and Kingdom of the Philippines
Ang Dakilang Ubud-na-Malaking Emperyo at Kahariang ng Pilipinas
Imperial Standard: Imperial Standard3 Galactic Imperial Flag: Philippine Empire
The Empire at its Height (ca. 2100-2170):
LocationAsia
Imperial Seal: PhilippineEmpire Seal
National Anthems : "Bayan Ko" (the anthem of the People Power Revolution 1, 2 and 3), "Lupang Hinirang" (sung in the Philippines only) & "The Imperial Death March (aka Bayan Ko)" (Sung in Japan only).
Motto : "Ito'y para sa Diyos!" ("This one's for God!")

(Latin): PRO DEO EST HOC!

Capital Smokey Mountain Manila
Largest Cities Changi Prison Tokyo , Mexico DF, Manila and Los Angeles
Government Imperial Monarchy / Fascist Republic
FKing/Queen Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Independence 24th May, 2033 AD
Currency
Money pacquiao
Philippine Imperial Pesos (Filipino/Tagalog: Piso ng Emperyo ng Pilipinas)
Joe9320Added by Joe9320
(1 PHP = 100 centavos = US$10^{27})
Religions Roman Catholicism, Ang Dating Daan, Iglesia ni Cristo (NOT!), El Shaddai, Evangelican Christianity, Pacquiaoism, Wowowee-ism, Tukul Arawanaism, Shitoism, Islam
Languages Filipino (Tagalog), English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Portugese, Indonesian, Malaysian, Thai, Hawaiian, Hindi, Arabic (NOT!), Latin, Esperanto, Elvish and 10^{12} other languages
City with the Lowest IQ Tokyo
University with the highest IQ Sillyman University
Main Industries Manufacturing, Japanese Slavery, (cars, steel, furniture, food processing, shipbuilding, conusmer products, appliances, etc.), Agriculture (rice, wheat, corn, animals), Mining (oil, coal, gas, diamonds, aluminium, iron, lead, gold, silver) and Financing (contains the world's largest stock exchange: The Filipino Empire Stock Exchange- formerly PSE)
Most Retarded Colony Singapore - the execution capital of the world (thanks to our export-quality Singaporean executioners in Southeast Asia)
Famous Landmarks Some huge retarded mall (Mall of Asia), The Landmark, Tokyo Tower, Hawaii, Golden Gate Bridge, Burj Dubai, Disneyland, Las Vegas, San Diego and so on... (there are about Counter landmarks in the Filipino Empire)
Ethnic Groups Filipinos and the sub-ethinc groups (Cebuano, Ilocano, etc.), Japanese, Ainu, Africans, Chinese and their sub-ethnic groups (Han and Cantonese), Malay, Aryan, Indians and the sub-ethnic groups, Europeans, Turks and Arabs
Population 1,189,265,000 (2187 estimate- 2180 census: 1,187,372,840) 429,293,300 (2040 census)
Time Zone UTC +1 to UTC -8 [1]

“The Filipino Empire? What the hell is that?”

~ Japanese resident on The Filipino Empire

“Don't call our place a craphole you cheap cunt!”

~ Foul-mouthed Congressman on rude comments about the Philippines

“The Filipino Empire- Heaven. America- Hell”

~ Jesus on The Filipino Empire

“Made in the Philippines”

~ Japanese Cars

“Made in the Philippines”

~ Everything

“Made in Japan”

~ Black People

The (Second) Philippine Empire, also known as The Greater Filipino Empire (Tagalog: Ang Masdakilang Emperyo ng Pilipinas) consists of the entire Asian Continent, ruling from the deserts of the UAE to the islands of Indonesia. In Japan, it is known to the Japanese slaves as 大呂宋帝国, or Dai Rūzon Teikoku (English: The Great Luzon Empire) or just 呂宋 (Rūzon). The Chinese characters are 呂宋國, or Lǚsòng Guó. By the way, we got reasons why you must visit the Filipino Empire. Apparantly, we pillaged a shop in Spain and start to sell a bar called "Spaniards", which is produced by Krap Foods. TAKE THAT, BASTARDS! Come on, we tried to go faecal! I win! I win! Whoopass! Whoopass! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

CounterZeroCounterZeroCounterZeroCounter5Counter4Counter3Counter2

The History Edit

Bouncywikilogo
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Philippine Empire, or simply go here.
The Filipino Empire has a long history, starting from the ancient times (around 10,000 BC)
Urmom
Yes, YOUR MUM ruled the Philippines!
Joe9320Added by Joe9320
Merkavaowned
A so-called "People Power 10" protester being OWNED by Joe's Tank #20385 during the People Power 10 protest. LOL!
Joe9320Added by Joe9320

Early History Edit

Little is known of the Empire's early history but it was recorded that the Japanese Empire tried to invade the islands many times between the period of 1178 to 1567 but they were all repelled. It was in 1567 when the last Japanese invasion force surrendered to Datu Lapu-Lapu.

Creation of the EmpireEdit

The Filipino Empire was carved out from the Spanish East Indies when Supremo Andres Bonifacio led the Philippine Revolution against the Spaniards. The Empire was officialy established on June 12, 1898 on the Malacanang Palace with the coronation of Supremo Bonifacio as its first Emperor. Emperor Andres the Great later created the Filipino Armed Forces which consisted of the Filipino Army, the Filipino Navy and the Filipino Marine Corps.

In 1899, the Emperor created the Special Military Division which was tasked to help improve the Armed Forces. By 1905, the Empire owned the largest well-trained armed forces in the world.

World War IEdit

In 1914, Emperor Andres the Great received a letter from the Emperor of the German Second Reich and was told to join the Central Powers but the Emperor declined. When the war erupted in Europe, the Emperor declared support for the Allies and send troops which ended the war in just five days! Wahahahaha! The Empire was then regareded as hero of the World!

The Rise of the EmpireEdit

Your mum! The empire ruled tonnes of countries! YAY! Oh, and you are seconds from death!

The Fall of the Filipino Empire Edit

Emperor Pacquiao was killed by Generalissimo Darth Utot in 2188. The Filipino Empire officially ended on December 31, 2206, when Senator Benigno Aquino IV declared that the Filipino Empire dissolved and led the establishment of the new Republic of the Philippines.

Government Edit

Everyone's a retard there! Everyone's a rebel! Even the presidents were glad to kiss their sorry asses goodbye. The Last Emperor was a total retard and fucked the whole Empire up by losing everything in Wowoweee! Not to mention that he was a rebel. Ano? Totoo ba 'yan? Aminin!

Administrative Regions of the Filipino Empire Edit

The Filipino Empire is divided into 42 provinces, 913 regions, 1081 states, 23,050 colonies and 1,250,000 barangays (or districts). In the Empire alone there are 10,000 Japanese ghettos (one for every 12,700 ethnic Japanese) and 10,000 Little Africas (one for every 100,000 Africans). We found out that it compromised an empire the same land mass as Russia to proportion:

LocationAsia

Provinces of the Empire:
1) Philippines......................................................22) Central Africa del Norte
2) Mexico.....................................................23) *EXPLODED!* (Used to be United Arab Emirates)
3) Yukon......................................................24) Iraqistan
4) Alaska....................................................25) Parsistan
5) Mariyachi..................................................26) Panggitstan
6) Tekila.....................................................27) Hindotstan
7) Korona.....................................................28) Bastustan
8) Yeyo.......................................................29) Espanya del Norte
9) Meriwana...................................................30) San Miguel Colony
10) Chikano...................................................31) Espanya del Sur
11) Afrika del Norte..........................................32) Yosistan
12) Colony of California & Hawaii............... 33) Phoenican Philippines
13) Niggers.....................................................34) North Bakla
14) Niggers.............................................35) South Bakla
15) Madagaskar................................................36) Negros del Norte
16) Unggoy....................................................37) Negros del Sur
17) Maitim....................................................38) Mabaho
18) Sumalya del Sur...........................................39) West Morostan
19) Sumalya del Norte.........................................40) East Morostan
20) Bumbay Colony of Anghit...................................41) West Inchek
21) Central Africa del Sur..........................................42) East Inchek

Language and People Edit

Emailjokes c 38886 BLP45167
Japanese television, 2165
Joe9320Added by Joe9320
Manila shanty
The tall skyscrapers of Tokyo, the capital of the colony of Japan
Joe9320Added by Joe9320

Oddly enough, the Philippines is full of Filipinos, though black people can be found in Japan and colonies in Africa, Chinese and Malays in South-East Asia, and Indians in India and Filipino America (Las Vegas, Alaska and California). Only good-looking people are allowed in the Philippines, so as to prevent ugliness, so NO JAPANESE ALLOWED!!! (Unless she's hot...)

Economy Edit

Heyihosdflujkahasdjklhfasdjklfhjskad!

The Economy of the Philippine empire relied on slave trade of japanese people. LOL!

Manufacturing Edit

Most of the manufacturing comes from Japan, Bangladesh and Thailand, where all of the cars and the techno crap you get comes from. Our Imperial Economy is Number One above ALL THE REST! Yes, and we are even Bat Fuck Insane!

Youdaman
But the bad news is, you actually ruled the Philippines!
Joe9320Added by Joe9320
MRT3 Shaw2
Our main form of transportation of the heart of the Empire. We are full of tall skyscrapers and fast trains! And the heart of the Empire also home to the most bat fuck insane person in the world.[2]
Joe9320Added by Joe9320

Tourism Edit

We have lots of places to see. There you have beaches and islands. Further north we have crap and lots of modern buildings. Further west we have more Western-style buildings. Also, for more info on sightseeing the heart of the Filipino Empire, see the Asia section.

Transportation Edit

Hey, we have more crap than anybody else! Let's celebrate!

Military Edit

As stated, at its height, the Filipino Empire's military was the most bat fuck insane in history. All nuclear weapons in the world were given as tribute to the Empire, since that was the only accepted payment a country could use to buy the world's oil, all of which was also owned by the Filipino Empire. With such a monopoly, the military was built up to the point where it was second to none. All nuclear weapons were disarmed and used as power for the Empire's growing electricity demand. The Empire's colonies also have their own military forces, but they suck. They fought in World War IV to VII, as Allies of the US.

Requirements Edit

Only citizens of the Filipino Empire, Filipino-Americans and Israeli mercenaries are allowed in the Imperial armed forces, since everyone else are idiots and/or terrorists. The military was simplified in 2050 by Emperor Napoleon to consist of one branch: The Imperial Philippine Defense Force, which consists of the Imperial Philippine Navy, Imperial Philippine Marines (amphibious invasion ground forces) and the Imperial Philippine Air Force. Being an island nation, emphasis was placed on maintaining maritime supremacy on the high seas in every ocean. Thus, in return for all the oil in the Philippine province of Iraq, the US sold some aircraft carriers, planes, tanks and destroyers to the Empire in 2047 (one is even renamed as the HMIPS Enterprise!). Now possessing the most fearsome bat fucking insane fleet in history, the redundant Imperial Philippine Army was integrated into the reorganized Imperial Philippine Marine Force: the best soldiers became Marines for invading other countries, while the rest became the Imperial National Guard for guarding the Philippines itself from invasion and to serve as the Imperial Police Force (formerly known as the PNP).

Enemies Edit

The empire fought against rebels during it's Golden Age. Led by Nah Olos and Dr. Phil, they invaded the capital. But Empress Imelda 2.5 came to the rescue by blowing up the Millennium Eagle where the rebel leaders hid with her all-powerful mega eye rays!

  • Canadians
  • President Dick Cheney
  • White people
  • Negroes
  • Terrorists
  • Japanese men. The Empire gets revenge by flooding Japan with Africans. All Japanese women are deported to the Philippines to become our maids beacuse they can clean so well.
  • Indian call-center outsourcing competition (those idiots can't speak English! ...except with a stupid fake British accent)
  • People from Mexico (not all Mexicans tho) and Latin America (they chose not to use their NATIVE language and is slowly losing their native culture cos time is eroding it)

References Edit

  1. Or is it UTC +20?
  2. Please note that this photo was taken YEARS before the Filipino Empire actually started, when their trains are FUCKING slow and SHIT.

External LinksEdit

Official

See Also Edit

Asia- now ruled by the Philippines! Edit

JFluent Julia's Tagalog Comeback(02:30)

A typical Filipino (from Korea). Tagalog is the #1 language by 2100.

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