“ It is unwise to make love to chickens with bird flu. No, honestly, it is, im serious. Stop laughing!! ”
~ A bird flu expert on on why we shouldn't make love to chickens with bird flu

“ Hey God, shut up! ”

“ I think that if i just stick them in a bit further, i can tickle my prostate with this pair of scissors ”
~ A Gimp of the highest order on on prostate stimulation using sharp objects

“ Shut the fuck up, N00b, I ownzoRd Jo0 ”
~ Jesus on on what he did to that N00b, and what action the N00b should take

“ Watch as I levitate using only my mind, my spirit, this platform under my feet, a large team of special effects experts, and love ”
~ David Blaine on on how gay he is

“ I will only come out of hiding when mankind accepts my superiority ”
~ Kermit the Frog on on PCP

“ Shut up, tool ”
~ Mr T on on a spanner he found in the garage

“please don't kill me”
~ incredibly solid man on walking through his local nursery

“ Hello ”
~ A do-gooder on on greeting you

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