“From the foulest pit of hades to the heavens I shout in a now evidently futile attempt to reconmcile man to God. I beat my breast in sorrow at the mere sight of this poisoned eden. Delinquence and wicked tidings of blasphemy and witchcraft have infected this once hallowed ground. The omnivorous shadow of rightoussness looms ominously over us yet the population, consumed only by their seedy desires and self-satisfaction are blind to it's call. Soon a terrifying torrent shall rip through the hearts and minds of the people. The people will perish for their decadant ways in the swirling milstrom, too late their pleas will cometh. Yet they do not comprehend it's imminent arrival, as they are not able. They have ears yet they can not listen, they have eyes and yet they cannot see. I will horde my seed and the beasts of the earth into the blessed vessel and watch as the world is purged of all evil.”
~ Noah on his escape from chav culture.
“Joyous tidings I bring fair Cubert, for on this very hallwoed eve of youthful schenanigans and whence the heavenly tide of angellic lights criss-crossing upon the wondrous sky, in spiritual fullness and ablebodiedness I answer in the affirmative as to accompany your fine self to the sporting extravaganza. We shall boldly stand by as two teams of strapping young gentlemen determine who is the fleetest of foot and strongest of wit. Only with the raw power of an oxen and the seamlessness of a finely sown quilt will one group triumph over the other. The contest will be close, yet only one will reach the misty peaks of glorious victory. Whilst the others who fall from sporting grace, face certain dejection and must surely fade away like a slinking shadow on the glittery solar orb.”
~ Builders discussing their plans to watch the football match later that night
“He is an asanine charlatan who will retard all but the most luxuriant of profits and situations with his fallacious subservience purveying an illusion to the contrary of his clandestine deeds. His perspicacity is nought but performance and his communiqué misleading. This is a man to eschew at all but the worst of circumstances. His only intelligence lies in the art of subterfuge and the credulity of a portion of humanity. He is also aesthetically impaired to the point of infirmity and FUX HIS M0M lul”
~ André Breton on being asked if he has high self-esteem
“Zenith. Zenith! I am at the acme of my apogee! My enthusiastic ardour will result in your travelling from the zenith to the nadir with an intervening period of gunfire by fair means or foul! Go go zenith!! My piquancy is piquant! The axiom of this adage is comparatively evident. BOOOBSIES? Yes”
~ William Shakespeare upon enrolling with extremist muslims