The purple monkey gives the owner +5 resistance, 5+ attack power and a whopping +15 excretion, which means the owner becomes incontinent. This is bad.
The purple monkey may cause seizures during its mating season. Cheese has been known to stop these problems, however, this has yet to be confirmed by seizureologists. Leading seizureologist Dr. E. Phil Epictic thinks the cheese story is a plot by the cheese companies to make people buy cheese to stop their purple monkey giving them a seizure. Dr. L. Ron Hoobart, his colleague, agrees.