Language is the scientific termonology for "guage of the lan'". To measure how well the lan' is doing you need a language. Languages generally cost a penny more than you have on you and generally take up a bit too much space. When you have your language feed it nightly and water it with French to make it tough.

So I found that extra penny and have bought the language; now what? Edit

I don't know but I think the instructions printed on the inverse of the language tell you what to do in fluent Scouse. The literal translation is something like:

Kill

Many innocent hardy hardy har

No one is quite sure what the point of the instructions is and if they are actually printed in Germanese which would make them say:

Lick

Many Innocent gerdy gerdy ger

Tests based on the instructions have resulted in the progression of nuclear warfare and helped to create Subbuteo's Koala fetish.