Me: Hello. I'm gonna be interviewing my elf. So, how are you elf?
Me: Uh... Why?
Elf: If you must know, I've been diagnosed with.... Split Personality Disorder.
Me: Oh... That sucks.
Elf: Fuck you, you son' bitch!
Me: W-what? You were sad just then.
Elf: Yeah... And I'm sad now... Oh! That might of been my gangster personality.
Me: Wait, you have more than one?
Elf: Who are you talking to mister.
Me: Dude, what the hell happened?
Elf: Huh! How dare you swear in front of a woman?
Me: Now you're a woman?
Elf: A- a woman?... Oh. That was my woman personality. There's also my three year old personality.
Me: Oh. Can't imagine that.
Elf: Can't do wuht?
Me: Oh.. Now I can see...
Elf: 'Fwee wuht?
Me: God damn split personality elf!
Me (to producer): Why couldn't you get a regular elf?
Producer: Well... All the regular ones are working at department stores for Christmas.
Me: (takes CHAINSAW):
Gangsta Elf: Wha- foo? (pops cap in my ass)