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Me: Hello. I'm gonna be interviewing my elf. So, how are you elf?

Elf: Horrible

Me: Uh... Why?

Elf: If you must know, I've been diagnosed with.... Split Personality Disorder.

Me: Oh... That sucks.

Elf: Fuck you, you son' bitch!

Me: W-what? You were sad just then.

Elf: Yeah... And I'm sad now... Oh! That might of been my gangster personality.

Me: Wait, you have more than one?

Elf: Who are you talking to mister.

Me: Dude, what the hell happened?

Elf: Huh! How dare you swear in front of a woman?

Me: Now you're a woman?

Elf: A- a woman?... Oh. That was my woman personality. There's also my three year old personality.

Me: Oh. Can't imagine that.

Elf: Can't do wuht?

Me: Oh.. Now I can see...

Elf: 'Fwee wuht?

Me: God damn split personality elf!

Me (to producer): Why couldn't you get a regular elf?

Producer: Well... All the regular ones are working at department stores for Christmas.

Me: (takes CHAINSAW):

Gangsta Elf: Wha- foo? (pops cap in my ass)