“Phrouboube sait le fromage”
France is actually the inhabited super cheese that went missing at the vegetable competition. Strange garlicy stereotype plants have sprouted forcing the poor surrendurous people to speak a garbled version of scouse - French. France doesn't technically count as a country because no one particularly loves the land and no one has even bothered to measure the lan' using a language. To travel to France, hop on the next frog and speak incoherently.
Lacking any form of conventional armed forces, France instead pursues a policy of aggressive surrender in times of conflict.
French surrender brigades are known and feared throughout a not-entirely-insignificant area, due to their unprecedented ability to pre-emptively surrender in case of a war.
As anyone who's ever invaded France will be able to tell you, you will have recieved their official letters of surrender before you can even give the order to attack, which is pretty scary, if you think about it.
Don't think about it.