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“Is there a Catan?”


“That was Dogan nine lives ago”

Many of you who are kinda like me (most likely not cause I don't laugh at fart jokes) know the terror you feel when you're all alone, clenching your B.A.R., in a corner of a bombed out building in the multiplayer level Culumpit Chaos, yelling "I don't want to die!" over and over. The screen just flashed black, you are dead. Dogan just sniped you from the other side of the level with his shotgun. What the hell is up with this Dogan guy? He's the ultimate, the omnipotent, that crazy little bastard you can't simply just kill by putting a clip into him with a thompson. If more Japanese soilders in WWII were like Dogan, their extreme non-dying powers could've repelled the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

In a time of simpler shooters, blowing a guy up with a rocket launcher or grenade was a standard practice in solving the biggest problem you face at them moment (that being how do I kill this one guy standing in front of me). With Dogan, it's like, how many grenades does it take to eventually kill Dogan before he offs me with his extreme radness? None, because when you throw that grenade the game eagerly provides you, times stops, you hear the voice of god, he's telling you that you're going to hell for even thinking about throwing one. When time returns, your grenade goes off and Dogan walks through the smoke and melee's you to death by simply touching you. To the guys that programed Dogan to be a cheap-ass, bitch, F YOU, and F Dogan, for being a cheap-ass, bitch.

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