Noted historians and conspiracy theorists believe that Barney the Dinosaur is in fact the Anti-Christ spoken of in the Bible (Revelation 13:18 - "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man, its number is six hundred and sixty six").
This can be proved using the following simple logic: When the verse in Revelation was written, Latin was the dominant language. The Roman alphabet contained also the Roman numerals for the time. The letter equivalents are:
I = 1 V = 5 X = 10 L = 50 C = 100 D = 500 M = 1000
- "Barney the Dinosaur" = "Cute Purple Dinosaur".
- Latin did not have a "u", instead the letter "v" is used. This now becomes:
- "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR" .... dropping non-numbered letters, we are left with:
- "CV V L DI V"
- This is the equivalent of 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666
Irrefutable proof that Barney the Dinosaur is the Anti-Christ!!
What the beast looks likeEdit
_oI/LIKE/=vo__ ?/$="'" """^SATAN$~\ .&?/' `""$$, ,/?/' /-"^\. .-=~\T, ,/?/' /SATAN| |/MY- ,?? ./?/' `\?IS#' `$?FRIENDi\. ,*?? `" ""' `b'\\$$&&\. ,Td' `&:`H' "&7, .__ ._. H|| . `*\H, `&666:7 |???? M|, ,--&|\ `&?b "":// .,o--vo\,PJ'H|, H|L ``'"H?b ,-`?\ ,&&' ,P?-""^==:=' ||b `L9, `H`&, |?:!|| ,P& `b?\ 9/? ??H, |L *b.,'"\ :$:& H]' `b$\o. */\. ??*b. 9. `\\:(| .,/$6d' |\T ``\Z\\ `\7b. ,To?&b. \(\:-.-S:-~=-",P MJ' `\?*b ?&&\. d\|/_ `\o_ `S&M\:SATAN/\IS,&' |LT `\?\\ ``\?\^I/HATE@:~:$=v\. `$k/MY&PAL@%#J' HJ' `\?\. `\b/$KIDS!-?&\. ._,~9$ T|| d'M. 9`| `Hi:R&:&&6&="' ./$J| `^"\Z\. ||M `=Z\:"" HiT" `&H&>v_ bT, .. v,?|\ M|| .:Z|&\. ||H _DEATH~>TO9H| `?*\ ?$`#'H 9ALL|1KIDS* .$/ `bZ&\ ,o\&KILL&/' \?$.:?ooo/*""' `\$$b_ |\MAIM*:./' `"""' `' `~?&qDESTROY#/'
Nefarious Plots Edit
Proof of his evilness has been found. His theme song is:
- I love you,
- You love me'
- We're a happy family
- With a great big hug and a kiss
- From me to you
- Won't you say you love me too?
Backwards, it is:
- uoy evol I
- em evol ouy
- ylimaf yppah a er'ew
- ssik a dna guh gib taerg a htiw
- uoy ot em morf
- oot em evol uoy yas uoy t'now
Written down it looks like nonsense. But when it is sung backwards, it sounds like this:
- Ooh, evil eye
- I'm evil, ooh
- Eely Mafia power
- Goodness is sick, give target, ew!
- Ooh, atom-morph
- Ooh, them evil, ooh, yes, ooh, now....
Anti-Barney Songs Edit
Joy To The World The Big Man's DeadEdit
(Sung to the tune of "Joy To The World")
Joy to the world That Barney's dead We smushed his head with a wrecking ball! What happened to his body? We chucked it into the sewer Round and round it goes where the crappy crap flows Round and round and round it goes!
Five years later, chewin' on his underwear Wish he had another pair Eaten by GODZILLA! Chewin' on his underwear
Nine years later, had another barbecue I had to go to the restroom I run up the stairs and look in the toilet And there was Barney's ass!
Joy to the world That Barney's dead We barbecued his head! What happened to his body? We flushed it down the potty Round and round it goes like Indiana Jones We watched it go round and round!
I Hate You Edit
(Sung to the tune of "This Old Man")
I hate you You hate me, Let's get together and kill Barney with a great big punch, and a shotgun to his head! Whoops!! I think that Barney's dead.
I hate you You hate me Let's team up and kill Barney With an M16, I shot him in the head Let's watch as the floor turns red
I hate you You hate me Barney gave you H.I.V. So we punched him in the balls and shot him in the head Now that purple thing is dead
I hate you You hate me Lets all go and kill Barney With a chainsaw And a Four-by-Four No more purple dinosaur
I hate you You Hate Me Let's tie Barney to a tree! I'll get the match, and the gasoline, Light the match and watch him scream.
I hate you You hate me We're a racist family So let's kill that big, fat reatard they call Barney Then we will be more happy
I hate you, You hate me Let's hang Barney from a tree With a knife, and a gun, and a pitchfork through his head Till that purple thing is dead
I hate you, You hate me The ratel army killed Barney And some toxic waste with a tank and 12 atomic bombs We're all glad that Barney's gone!
I hate you, You hate me Lets tie Barney to a tree Stab him in the penus and shoot him in the head Now the purple thing is dead
I hate you, You hate me Barney's taken ecstasy There you see him,lying on the floor No more purple dinosaur
I hate you, You hate me I saw Godzilla kill Barney With a fire blast that retard then hit the floor No more stupid dinosaur
I hate you, You hate me Barney's stung by a killer bee And now he's lying dead across the floor No more purple dinosaur
I hate you, You hate me Take a gun and kill Barney With a bang, bang, bang Barney's on the floor No more purple dinosaur I hate you, You hate me But let's get together and KILL Barney With a great big bazooka We blow off his head Sorry kids but Barney's dead
I hate you,
you hate me
lets be friends and RAPE barney
ill rape him in the ass while while you pump him with some led
now we know Bareneys dead
On Top of Old OakeyEdit
(Sung to the tune of "On Top Of Old Smokey")
On Top of a old oakey All covered in blood I shot evil Barney With a .500 stud
I went to his fun'ral I went to his grave Some people threw flowers I threw a grenade
Now Sorry for Barney all covered in red And now you can all see that Barney is dead
I dug up the body and cloned the remains And just for the pleasure I killed him again
Deck the Halls Edit
(A violent Christmas favorite)
Deck the Halls with bloody dino Hahahahahahahahaha See the nuke charge like a rhino Hahahahahahahahaha Barney's dead on Christmas day right Hahahahahahahahaha Now There's nothing left to say right Hahahahahahahahaha
Evil mind controller's gone Hahahahahahahahaha His remains lay on the lawn Hahahahahahahahaha Now the world is safe again Hahahahahahahahaha No more counting one through ten Hahahahahahahahaha
Barney's evil scheme is ruined Hahahahahahahahaha Now the studio is suin' Hahahahahahahahaha Oops! They ran out in less than an hour Hahahahahahahahaha Barney has lost all his power Hahahahahahahahaha
Deck the halls with heads of Barney Hahahahahahahahaha Serves him right for being crummy Hahahahahahahahaha Now let's sing this song again Hahahahahahahahaha This song shall never end Hahahahahahahahaha* * Repeat
Barney and Friends Theme Song (sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle)Edit
Barney was a dinosaur from our imagination, Put him in the microwave, He'll die from radiation! Barney was a dinosaur From our imagination, He stuck a pencil up his arse And died from constipation! Barney was a dinosaur who liked to play with matches, once he had an accident and burned himself to ashes!
(Another violent Christmas favorite)
Dashing through the snow On a pair of broken skis Downhill Barney goes Crashing into trees The snow is turning red We think he's almost dead Now let's go get a frying pan and hit him on the head
Jingle Bells, shotgun shells Purple dino's dead We struck him with a frying pan And hit him in the head
Baby Bop, Baby Bop Tried to save his life But an action man from Pakistan Stabbed her with a knife!
Row Your Boat Edit
(Especially fun around the campfire)
Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream Throw'' Barney overboard And listen to him scream
Five days later he rose from the dead. I took a 9,000,000,000,000-gauge shotgun and blew off his head
(Just for fun!)
A, B, C, D, E, F, G Barney is my enemy! Hit 'im with a piece of lead Now we know that Barney's dead! Now you know I hate Barney Next time won't you sing with me!
Take Me Out to Kill BarneyEdit
(To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"
Take me out to kill Barney Take me out to his show Get me a gun and a chainsaw I don't care if it takes too slow And we'll shoot, cut, shoot, to kill Barney Until he hits the floor For it's one, two, three, body parts gone No more purple dinosaur
It is discovered that Barney has been slain multiple times by the Frigglejockom. Usually FIRIN' HIS LAZOR on him.